Reading test results on MRI, PET, and CT scans is sometimes difficult. It is not just a case of we saw one thing before and we see another thing now. The overall condition of the patient can be vastly improving even while it appears on the test that no progress is being made. All this time since September when they had the first test and Srila Gurudevas over all health went into a crisis mode where he was not eating and there were many physical disturbances to his health, his daily vital functions, and the very stability of his life they have been trying to get him stabilized. So as I have said before they have not addressed the cancer directly or aggressively because he was not able to handle the basic functions of life what to speak of fighting off and eliminating the disassembly of a tumor.
His present condition is stable. His vital functions like blood pressure, and blood sugar, oxygen levels in the blood, and other things are stable. He does not have excessive mucous and the tube in his nose and throat has been removed. He is eating himself and eats a little more each day. He is drinking a lot more, water and electrolyte fluids, which help him to be more hydrated. Also he is retaining most of what he consumes. His pain and discomfort are greatly reduced. He sits up, walks a little, talks to others, and in general has been increasingly performing more and more of his regular bodily activities on his own or with a little assistance. These are all good signs.
The test results have shown that the tumor in the sigmoid/rectum area has increased in size. However it cannot be said that this is really a bad sign because in fact they have not been agressively treating the cancer. Until now they have been nourishing Srila Gurudeva and getting him ready for the agressive treatment of the cancer. Furthermore even though it has increased in size it is not obstructing his bowel functions which is a good sign. Most importantly it has not spread to any vital organs in the body and all of his vital organs like liver, pancreas, brain, lungs, and other organs where the cancer usually travels to have not been affected and are functioning well at this point. Again these are all really positive signs.
Also most of you know that cancer just doesn't go away in a few weeks from the time of the observation of its presence in the body. It has been ten weeks since the last test and with this test they now have a much better idea of where Srila Gurudeva is at present. This information was absolutely essential because based on these results they are now better informed and are better able to develop various treatment plans for aggressively fighting the cancer at its present stage.
So although the test results were not what all of us had hoped for, which would have been that the tumor had not grown or had even reduced, still there are many good reasons for all of us to remain hopeful. Madhava Maharaja and Brajanath Prabhu are not giving up. They see positive signs and are hopeful.
I want to tell you a few stories about the glory of our Srila Gurudeva. I spoke with one of his disciples who told me that when she had her diagnosis of cancer she went to see Srila Gurudeva. He did not even ask her what was on her mind. He just said Oh I am glad you have come I have so many services for you. She began engaging in Srila Gurudevas service and taking her naturopathic products and her cancer disappeared. My sister sang My Sweet Lord for Srila Gurudeva and inspired all the devotees to chant enthusiastically. He gave her his garland in appreciation for her service. He was not informed she had a tumor at the time. 3 weeks later when she had the test the doctor said that the cancer has so thoroughly disappeared from your body that if I did not know you had cancer I would say you never had cancer. There was also an elderly woman in Hong Kong who had cancer and Srila Gurudeva blessed her and she has no more cancer.
Is it possible that the person who has performed all of these miraculous healing's in others can fall victim to this condition himself? Please remember who our Srila Gurudeva is! He is the sum total of of all of the demigods, the external manifestation of the Supreme Lord, he is as good as God! I mean lets get real we are way beyond any of the imaginary superheros here and his powers are real! So, you may be asking, then what is going on here? Why is this lila taking place? If Srila Gurudeva is so powerful and in control why is he going through this? If we are a little selfish we may even be asking why he is putting all of us through this emotional roller coaster?
Srila Gaura Govinda Maharaja once said that the Guru having a diseased condition is very difficult to understand. He also said that there is some special Rasa which is being tasted in this condition between the Supreme Lord and his representative. When I was a young Brahmachari I approached Srila Prabhupada once to question him about what was going on when he was ill. How was he suffering for his disciples and why. As I asked my question his face developed a scowl and he arched his eyebrows and looked at me fiercely. Raising his hand and making a motion of complete dismissal with it, he chastised me with a raised voice "you cannot understand this DO NOT ASK!" So personally I feel that it is better for us to stop trying to penetrate the mysteries of this mystical spiritual event with our mundane mind and intelligence and focus on our personal spiritual development of becoming more attached to Srila Gurudeva and his service.
Just as Krishna was observing the various moods that the Gopis were going through in the forest after He left the rasa dance Srila Gurudeva is also observing us in this drama. Just as Krishna was seeing how much the Gopis were feeling His presence in His absence so Srila Gurudeva is seeing how much we are learning the art of serving in separation and feeling his presence in his absence. The Gopis approach to this was totally selfless. Whatever was going on for them emotionally was being offered as a service to Krishna, to satisfy Him. The Gopis expressed to Krishna that everyone in the world is happy except us. We who love you so much are suffering in your separation yet still you do not appear before us. We love you so much and yet we are suffering so much that we want to die in separation from you. In Srila Vishvanath Chakravarti Thakuras commentary Sri Krishna responds to them by saying 'If you really loved me then you would die" The commentary continues as the Gopis response is astounding: "We know that you are enjoying some pleasure in our suffering (observing their spiritual emotional maturation) therefore we cannot die because then your pleasure would end. This is unconditional love in its highest form.
In the spiritual dance of love between Krishna and his devotees the primary concern is always is Krishna receiving pleasure from this service of mine. We should be focused on giving Srila Gurudeva pleasure by taking this seriously and showing him how we can put what he has taught us into practice and prepare ourselves to be in the mood of service in separation. If not now at some point we will have to face this prospect and right now Srila Gurudeva the perfect spiritual master is guiding us through the process. This is our chance to develop so much love and attachment to Srila Gurudeva who will in turn offer that to the divine couple Sri Sri Radha Vinode Bihari.
Srila Gurudeva Ki Jaya!
Your Uncle
B.V. Bhagavat Swami
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